Saturday night’s prescription for self care:
One (1) hot bath with lavender bath salts
One (1) cup of tea + a teaspoon of honey
One (1) delicious candle, lit with ceremony
One (1) iPhone with Pandora and headphones (don’t get them wet!)
Several (3-4) deep breaths, an occasional sigh, and
One (1) healthy dose of appreciation for these soft silky legs that go all the way down to my cute little toes…
This prescription is not to be taken lightly, friends. This is my latest battle strategy for the war being waged in my heart, a war I’m fighting with mercy and slowness and other feminine wiles. It’s the great jihad of my life: learning to love myself and greet each little inch with gratitude and joy.
I know this is a battle I need to fight on my own – but let’s face it, friends, sometimes a woman needs to see her beauty reflected in the eyes of a man to finally see it herself.
I have to admit, it’s because there’s a new man in my life that I’m getting down to business: he is gorgeous, he is so good for me, and I am prepared to fight like hell to keep from sabotaging my chances with him. So I climb into the bath and make an Etta James station on Pandora, to learn about something he loves, and I watch how the water plays over my skin, to learn about something I hope he will love.
“I keep forgetting you don’t like your body,” he said to me. “The funny part is I like it. And I am afraid I start liking it more than you do.”
I play his words through my mind several times. I love the tiny touch of accent, I love how straightforward he is… And I’m terrified by the layers of meaning in his remark.
What is going to happen if I can’t show up and be present to the affection he has for me? What if I can’t even see that affection because I’m too blinded by my patterns of self judgment and shame? What if my self disapproval actually affects how I look, how I move, how I behave with him, what if my own attitude becomes the very thing that makes me unattractive?
“You think too much,” he says. This from one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. But he’s right, this is a war that cannot be fought with my mind.
Breathe in, he likes these soft silky legs. Breathe out, feel a layer of anxiety lift away. Breathe in, he likes my baby face. Breathe out, let the love soak in a little more. Let it shine right through me, let me glow with the love that is my birthright… sparkling eyes, rosy cheeks, graceful from shoulders to fingertips, sassy down to my cute little toes.